When your friend is assuming she’s a bridesmaid

when your friend is assuming she is a bridesmaid

Being bridesmaid for my friend Jenna was AWESOME. You get to dress up, look pretty, have fun, and experience a close friend’s biggest day. It’s so special, and an incredible honor. So no wonder then, that there’s generally a long list of friends willing and able to step into the bridesmaid role. We can’t ask all our close friends to stand with us in our wedding. Maybe other people think you can have unlimited bridesmaids just so everyone is included, but budgets and practicality rule this out for most.  The decision of who will be in your bridal party can cause hurt feelings, especially when there’s friends assuming they’ll be picked. So what do you do when your friend assumes she’s going to be a bridesmaid?

Options for dealing with a friend assuming she’s a bridesmaid

This is one of those situations where you want to let your friend down easy because they’re your friend, and you don’t want hurt feelings or resentment surrounding your wedding day.  The route you take will depend on your personality and the personality of your friend. Here’s the most popular options in the Southern Bride community:

Give her another role

The most popular option was to find something else for your friend to do – ask her to be MC, an usherette, or do a reading during the ceremony.

Here’s one bride’s thoughts on this option: “I probably wouldn’t even mention it to her [that she’s not bridesmaid]. You could incorporate her in another way, like doing a reading. When my good friends got married they never asked me, and they never mentioned it to me either. You don’t even have to bring it up, if you don’t want.

Talk about the bridal party

Another popular option is a little more subtle. One way of saving face is to play it dumb, and talk about bridesmaid duties your chosen wedding party is doing. Do this delicately, so it’s a gentle let-down rather than a passive aggressive dig.

Tell it to her straight

Not quite as popular, but pretty effective, is shooting straight and telling your friend that you’ve picked some other people.  As one of the Southern Bride’s said “If she is a true friend, she will understand”.

Here’s what one bride-to-be who’d been in this situation had to say: “I found out from a mutual friend that [the bride] had already asked the girls and picked out their dresses before I knew I wasn’t in the wedding party. I wouldn’t have been a big deal, except for the fact that we had talked about it a lot, and then she tried to hide that she didn’t want me in the wedding party (like I wouldn’t notice!). It would have been much better if she just explained the situation instead of hiding it. ”

Feel bad and include her anyway

I added this option to the quiz as a little bit of a joke – and it got votes! Uh-oh! If you weigh up the options and your friend’s feelings are more important than an uneven bridal party or are worth blowing the bridesmaid dress budget – then go for it! There’s nothing wrong with including someone who is enthusiastic about your big day.

Have you had a friend assuming she’s a bridesmaid?

If your friend is assuming she’s a bridesmaid, what would you do? Or have you expected to be asked to be a bridesmaid and been let down easy?

Ideas for explaining that you are not a bridesmaid

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