We’ve all heard rumours about or know someone with a mother in law from hell. You never expect that you’d end up having one though. After all, it is the groom who is supposed to have the horrible MIL, not the bride!
Unfortunately, mother in laws from hell do exist and need to be dealt with. I’m not talking about banning her from your wedding planning or even the ceremony itself. Not that it isn’t a tempting option. Instead, finding a way of working with her or telling her what she can do regarding your wedding.
You and your fiancé are planning on being together forever; sorry but she is part of the package deal.
Working with a Mother in Law from Hell to Plan Your Wedding
The big question would be, does your future MIL have any ‘rights’ or say when it comes to planning your wedding. The answer is no. That means it is up to you to decide if you would like her to be involved or not.
Now that is a different kettle of fish.
Weddings are both joyful and stressful events, there’s no denying that. It’s the joining of two people and at least two families together. Each person has their own ideas, beliefs and experiences to bring to the occasion. This creates tension, especially between the couple and their parents.
Enter the FMIL or future mother in law. Depending on her personality and her feelings about you, she can be wonderful or someone you want to avoid at all costs. The problem being, you don’t necessarily want to upset her, your fiancé or your fiancé’s family. What can you do?
- If you think you won’t her ideas and opinions regarding your wedding, don’t ask for them. If you don’t know what they are, you can’t upset her by not including them.
If you get her opinions anyway, just repeating some prepared phrases works well. Think along the lines of, ‘thanks, but we are doing our wedding our way’ or ‘we know you’ve got wisdom to share, but we want to make our own choices through trial and error.’
- Play to her strengths. If she is a bargain hunter, send her out on missions to find things at the cheapest price. If she can make great folded napkins, put her in charge of them.
- It may seem that your mother in law from hell only specialises in making your life horrible, but dig a bit deeper. Asking your fiancé is a good way to learn what she is good at.
- Draw clear boundaries. Explain to her that this is what you are doing and here is what she can do. There are no buts to be had here, it is your wedding and not hers.
If you are unfortunate enough to have the world’s worst mother in law, know you are not alone. Just take a deep breath and thank her for bringing you the wonderful fiancé you are going to spend the rest of your life with. After all, she’s done a fabulous job and now it is her turn to step back.