You’ve been with your partner for what seems like an age. And despite persistent suggestions (I won’t say nagging) he hasn’t popped the question, yet.
Hello not-quite-engaged person. I was you, once. And I feel your pain. It look my now-husband 5 years of cajoling to get him to finally ask the question.
“Why won’t he propose?”
If that ^^^ is in your Google search history: hello me, a few years ago. Yep, I admit I asked Google. I asked my boyfriend too. I asked my friends, and I asked my cat and my dog. I’m pretty sure my hairdresser had some thoughts on the topic. You see, when you want something badly, and you don’t get it – and have no way of working towards it – it can become the only thing you think about.
In the meantime, I was like you. Being organised. Secretly reading about weddings. I browsed wedding blogs, lurked wedding discussions, dreamed of wedding dresses, and planned my reception – all before he’d popped the question.
So I know you’re out there. I talk to ladies all the time that are all but-engaged. It’s not weird, or obsessive. I know you might be embarrassed – but don’t be. It means you’re excited! That’s certainly a good start to a marriage!
I told a few people I’d be considering writing you a letter, giving you an acknowledgement (and probably saving you a ton of money in therapy – you’re welcome). The funny thing was – they’d done the pre-engaged lurking too.
As well as acknowledging you & saying “I feel your frustration”! I wanted to share my wisdom, and the wisdom of the Southern Bride Community:
Good things take time: advice from brides-to-be
To borrow from my favourite beer brand Speights, the general consensus was good things take time. (As a side note: for any Speights fans out there, did you know you can have your wedding at a spot where many of their commercials were filmed? It’s called McKinnons Stables and it’s in Omakau. It’s a beautiful spot – check it out for yourself here).
Savour this time. I know nothing is worse than people saying be patient, and enjoy the moment… but they say it because it is true.
Natalie put it best when she said “I would recommend not mentioning it at all… and tell others to stop bugging him too! My fiance was not a fan of that at all and i think it only made him more hell bent not to propose! But that’s just my experience”. Pressuring your partner into it isn’t really the tone you want to set!”
If you’re worried your partner will somehow forget, or be concerned you’re going to say no, you can bring it up – maturely! Charlotte suggested “…have a ‘matter of fact’ conversation with him and just tell him the truth that [you] wants to be his wife. Then LEAVE IT AT THAT!! DON’T keep hinting all the time or banging on at him about it, the only thing that will achieve is either push him further away or make him feel forced into it (which is really NOT a good foundation for a successful marriage). Besides he is more than likely just waiting for the right time and patience is a good thing to learn before entering into a marriage (or any relationship for that matter).”
Our good old Southern men sometimes need a bit more time to come round to the idea of marriage. Jasmin summed it up perfectly: “If he’s dragging his feet it’s probably his way of saying leave it alone. I would at least make sure you’re both on the same page about marriage in general and also about your relationship and where it’s heading, but as for the proposal, unless you’re going to propose yourself – I would gently suggest you leave it up to him entirely and work on patience & focussing on other stuff”
Of course, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you popping the question you know 😉 Southern Bride Verified celebrant Heather Sorensen pointed out “There is no rule that says it must be the guy who proposes to the girl – that’s just tradition and these days we can create new traditions!! I hear lots of really interesting stories about how proposals have happened when I am working with couple and I take my hat off to some wonderfully creative people out there – both guys and girls. My advice is – beat him to it!”.
You can get a head start on wedding planning
While liking wedding planning bits and pieces on social media might raise eyebrows, and subscribing to wedding mags might have him running the other way… you are very welcome to sign up for Southern Bride’s wedding planning to do list, and join the Southern Bride email list. You’ll get a head start on wedding planning, but it’s completely anonymous. No one needs to know except us. It’ll be our secret 😉