One of the most-argued parts of the wedding planning process is the guest list. Each guest who gets that golden ticket (i.e. wedding invite!) is carefully considered. You both want a range of friends and family who mean a lot to you in attendance. And of course, each person that is invited, adds to the wedding budget. So – what do you do when your friends assume they’re invited to your wedding… and they are NOT!
This is the tricky topic we are tackling today, so watch the video (or read on) for how to deal with this awkward situation.
When friends assume they are invited to your wedding… and they’re not
I know many brides have a lot of anxiety about being unable to invite certain people. You care about your friends, and your friend’s feelings! So of course you don’t want people to be hurt that they’ve missed out on coming along. So imagine the horror of the situation Miss J was in recently:
“I’ve just being talking to a sort-of-work-friend who was like ‘where’s my wedding invite, haha’… I’m horrified, she’s not invited… she’s even talking about having a plus 1! What on earth do I do?!
I posted this to the Facebook page, and as usual my helpful readers had some practical advice.
There was a range of approaches suggested. The route you take take will depend on your personality… and potentially the personality of the non-guest too:
• Tackle it head on. Say: “I’m so sorry, we can only invite family and close friends due to (budget/venue size).”
• If you’re giving them the bad news via email, keep it short. A long novel on why they aren’t invited will rub salt into the wound and chances are they won’t read the whole thing.
• If you can swing it, invite them to attend the evening section after the dinner service (disclaimer – I cover off why I regret doing this here)
• Have a B list. If you have any “Nos” from your nearest & dearest, send out a second round of wedding invites to friends who aren’t as close to you. This can be a bit controversial (n oone wants to be second best).
• If you need any reassurance you are doing the right thing, follow the guest list flowchart included in the guest list planner
And for guests: don’t assume you are invited to a wedding, until you’ve receive a Save the Date or a Wedding Invitation! More guest etiquette tips can be found here.
In the comments below, I’d love if you can share what you would do in this situation?!
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I had the opposite happen with a coworker years ago. I knew her and her hubby to be fairly well and after they got engaged she would mention the wedding when we talked (by this time we worked in different parts of our company so didn’t see each other in person very often anymore). I thought I might be invited but when my manager got an invite, I didn’t so I just assumed she had a limited budget and didn’t think much of it. A couple of weeks before the wedding she called me, horrified because she realized she had never given me my invitation. She promised to drop it off the next day. She never did. I didn’t know the specifics of what time and where the event was and ended up being scheduled to work then (by my manager, who was going). Afterwords my manager told me that the couple had been quite upset that I hadn’t come. I was pretty much over the whole thing by then. I mean not only did she forget to invite me but she also didn’t follow up on her promise to get me my invitation nor did she even try just giving me the details so I would know where to go. If she was upset she had only herself to blame. Needless to say we didn’t talk much after that. I am happy to say that I found out a few years ago that she’s now divorced.
What about when someone assumes they are bridesmaid… and they’re not…
Argh! So frustrating! This is on my list of things to tackle – I’ll bump it up the list x
Hi Emma! Just wanted to let you know I’ve now posted an article for how to deal with friends assuming they’ll be a bridesmaid: https://southernbride.co.nz/friend-assuming-shes-bridesmaid/ Good luck 🙂
I’ve had this a couple of times from people who aren’t that close of friends, and it’s been a bit awkward. I just said politely please don’t be offended if you’re not invited as its for close friends and family only and we’re on a budget (as we know how expensive weddings are!).. thankyou for those tips I didn’t think of having a ‘b list.’ Xx
Good excuses. Thankfully haven’t had to do this yet..
Love the idea of having a B list diffinetly an idea we will be going with
Already experienced but couldn’t say no so added to the list.
Awesome read! One of the things I think I’m going to find the hardest!
It can be so awkward when this happens, great advice on how to deal with it
Good excuses, we are inviting some to the BBQ & beers the next day
so hard when they put you on the spot like that. some very good advice on how to handle that!