One of my brides approached me anonymously the other day. She’s just found out she’s pregnant and planning a wedding – her wedding is all booked and deposits all paid, 16 months away.
This will make the baby around 5-6 months old at the wedding, and she’s asking whether it’s possible to have a baby, organize a wedding and get back into shape (oh, and pay for everything!).
Postponing wedding due to pregnancy
So much of what you do will depend on your baby's temperament, and your adjustment to Motherhood, and you just don’t know how anything is going to go till the baby arrives!
If you forge ahead, get as much planning done as possible while you’re pregnant, but leave sending out invites till the last minute (much easier to postpone the wedding if your guests don’t have an invite!).
Things to consider if having a wedding after baby is born
- Hire a nanny for the day to help. As well as keeping bubs close, it frees up friends and family to see the baby, but allows them the flexibility to share your special day without baby duty (changing nappies, burping and rocking the pram!).
- An anonymous bride said she'd wished that she'd incorporated baby into the wedding a bit more. Her baby was very spilly so it was difficult for her to hold baby in her dress though.
- Some advice on the baby weight topic from another bride: “I know a wedding is about love and the two of you starting your life together, but also most brides have a vision of what they want to look like. If you will be happy on your day no matter what weight - then go for it. If you see yourself a specific size (knowing losing weight is extremely tough and time consuming sometimes for some people) hold off and give yourself a chance to get in shape safely and enjoy your little one without the pressure.”
A breastfeeding bride - What to wear
A major point that came up in most pieces of advice was the dress. You won't know for sure how breastfeeding will go, till after the baby arrives (if you are planning to try, that is - no judgment here if you want to bottle feed).
But it does leave a little uncertainty about what you're going to wear and how you'll manage your day.
You can work with your dress designer to ensure your dress looks beautiful and meets all your needs. A good dress designer will meet the needs of their customer. Choosing a dress with a zip on the side could allow the dress to be slipped off the shoulder so the bride can breastfeed during the wedding.
Bride Holly shared that: “the hardest thing was finding a wedding dress” – to get it on time, it had to be ordered 4 months out, so she had to try dresses on while baby was only 6 weeks old. If you’re breastfeeding (and you may not know for sure till baby arrives how that’ll go) then that can make things a little tricky dress-wise! If possible, express milk in the lead up to the day, and try alternating a breastfeed with a bottle feed so you’re not trying to get in and out of your dress every 3 hours (i.e. if on a 3-hour routine, if you breastfeed at 2.00 pm before you head to the ceremony, then bottle feed (formula or expressed milk) about 5.00 pm, the next breastfeed would be at 8.00 pm, so you’ve made it most the wedding without having to shrug out of your dress).
Postponing a wedding till your baby is a bit older
An anonymous bride contributed shared that her three month old baby was really spilly, so she wasn’t able to hold her while wearing her wedding dress. She also said “If I could do it again, I would have postponed. But everyone is different, and every baby is different. I thought I would have time to continue the wedding planning once having her, and that was out of the window. So in short: I would advise organising all of the wedding prior to delivery date, and try to think of how to include this baby. Small and intimate wedding may be less stressful too.”
My initial reaction was to postpone it as well – I had a colicky baby who wouldn't sleep more than 45 minutes at a time. The sleep deprivation, along with being a perfectionist and control freak, led me to develop post-natal depression.
Thinking back to that time, the pressure and stress would've been hard to manage on top of adjusting to life as a new mum. I don’t say this because I want you to put the wedding off or scare you off becoming a Mumma – but I know how hard it was and how tough I was on myself, and I hate thinking you would have to go through something similar.
If you decided to hold off a wedding because you'd have a young baby there, or you went ahead regardless - do you have any advice to add to being pregnant and planning a wedding?
Please leave a comment and share your experience, we'd love to hear more perspectives.